It has been a long hiatus, and I am aware the more prolonged the radio silence, the connection tends to break with humans in the world of virtual connection. But the truth is I have been on a journey within myself. The kind of journey that tends to unhinge you and leaves you asking questions - who am I?
I had moved countries before, so I mentally thought that this would be a walk in the park, but what I seemed to have not regarded is that I am no longer seventeen. I am a grown woman who is ever-evolving and has dealt with life-changing experiences, and I no longer seem to view the world with that sense of innocence but rather with hinges of greyed curiosity. There is something about being a single woman in her 20s whose entire focus is on personal growth and travelling the world to learn more about herself. It tends to unnerve the humans around you, but if you ask me on an individual, more profound level, it teaches you that you are made of steel and capable of indulging in your happiness and grief. The heart is a vessel that needs to be preserved, treated with kindness, and open to new experiences that come your way.
Time is a valuable teacher because it tends to reveal so many things like the realization that your life is already a treasure. As you get older, you appreciate that greener grass isn't always better. You realize that the quality of people should always supersede the quantity in your life. You embrace your flaws and switch gears towards growing personally. You learn how to protect your energy and not give in to the people around you by building better boundaries.
But most importantly, you realize your self-worth. The amount of work, sacrifice, dedication, discipline, and commitment it took to arrive at the station of life where you presently stand. You realize that detachment from materialism is a liberation from slavery. You accept that you can't fill voids when your heart is empty. And ultimately, the most virtuous and humbling realization of all: To God we belong and to him is our final return.
The thing about being human is that we are like seasons; we tend to ebb, and flow like them. There are moments and seasons where I will feel the utmost confidence in my ability to get through, and then there are seasons where I seem not to recognize myself. You know, the most troublesome thing about seasons is that sometimes they last for months, sometimes just a few weeks, sometimes days, and sometimes just a couple of hours. Sometimes you start with a beautiful morning, and by the evening, you want to burn yourself to the ground – it is in those moments I must remind myself to seek the beauty inside you.
Like the trees, we also go through seasons in which Allah prepares us to unleash our next level. There will always be seasons in which we lose what no longer cares to serve us because that lesson has served its purpose. So, when you find yourself in a season of loss, know that it is only to set up to receive the next. Doesn't the Spring follow the winter? Don't the trees come back to life with new leaves? Doesn't God revive the dead earth? Doesn't He decorate the trees that were once bare? God never makes you lose something except to prepare you for a season He plans to give you! The season of loss never lasts forever. The trees will get their Spring, and you will get yours too.
But as you wait for your Spring, do not lose sight of what God is giving you now. Do not lose sight of the opportunity to come close to Him. Do not miss the opportunity to stand tall and strong like the bare trees before you, even through your season of loss. Do not lose sight of the beauty of loss, the immense beauty of falling in love with your Creator, for the sake of Him purely, not only for what He can give you! Do not let the season of loss make you turn the other way. Show your sincerity to worship and seek Him alone through all the seasons of your life. And know that the wait itself, the knocking on His door, the patience you are showing, the contentment with His decree, is all an act of worship.
I am in the middle of the season of learning. I am at that age where I must give myself the permission to break from my own constraints and recognise that there are lessons I must learn now. That I must have faith. That falling is not failure. I must have the courage to realise that I will rise and taking risks in doing things I’ve always dreamed of is part of the journey. This city inspires me in so many ways, and I must unlearn in many ways, and doing so by simply enjoying the moments and the gentle mist. Reminding myself that when it rains look for rainbows and when its dark look for the stars they will guide you home.